The transcendental object at the end of history

Oh my god, it’s so overcast, I bet this is exactly what happens right before I die. You know that’s the kind of sense of humor the universe has, it would totally ruin my death fantasy.

You have a death fantasy?

Yeah, Oh and I was trying to tell Sunanda about it the other day and she just tore it apart and argued me.

Wait, I want to hear your death fantasy.

Yeah, yeah, I want to stare into the sun and stuff and I was telling her about it and she starting getting on my case about the little details, like I said I would have someone wheel me out and she interrupts me to be all ‘why can’t you just walk outside’

How is that going to kill you?

I know right! No wait, what? What are you asking?

How will staring into the sun make you die?

No, that’s not the cause of death that’s just the very last thing I want to do, like right when I know I’m going to die. You know how when you were a kid and people said “Don’t stare into the sun, you’ll go blind” or did anyone ever say that to you?

Yeah, sure.

Well, I always wanted to do that. Their severe warning piqued my curiosity and then it kind of became a thing, you know.  I thought that would be awesome. So if I’m going to die, like I know I’m just about to go, well then I won’t need my eyes anymore, so I can do that and be done and…

I always thought you were such an in the moment kind of person and here you are with this perfectionist worry about your last moment being ruined by cloud cover, I love it!

Well, so then after a bunch of stupid little arguments she finally lets me get the whole thing out and you know what she says?

What?

She says “What if while your staring in the sun right before you go blind you see something really terrible and that’s the real reason they told you not to do it?” and I’m like “What, like what?” and shes all “I dunno, like aliens. Yeah, aliens start coming out to destroy the world or ooo they’re already pouring out destroying the world and we just can’t see them and you’re powerless to do anything about it because you’re blind and nearly dead?”

I can totally see that as the transcendental object at the end of your personal history.

Gee, thanks.

Paper Towels Below

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